This is a very late follow up to a blog I wrote a few years ago, which shined the spotlight on ridiculous Halloween costumes.

For a reason unknown to myself and really, my circle of rational-minded friends, picking out a Halloween costume for young women has become an occasion where a diet would probably do them some good. Behind us are the days when a woman of relative not-humongous size could dress in something that went past her mid-thighs and above her nipples.

 

It’s Halloween. If we’re playing along with all the merriment how come we’re not trying to spook the spirits away anymore? It’s more important to show off how accomplished you are at growing milk sacks. Great job.

Beer wench costumes and milk maid costumes are pretty typical, cheesy and naturally call for a lot of skin to be showing. This industry for ho-costuming is growing so rapidly though, that being sexy Swiss Miss just isn’t enough.

This Halloween, all our food is dressing up as hot chicks. Or um, no, all the hot chicks are dressing up as food. Yeah ok.

 

These girls will cure a sweet tooth! Watch out, one of them even has herpes! Sexy Blow Pop, sexy CANDY DOTS ON FUCKING PAPER, sexy generic pink bubble gum, sexy Nerds (see her glasses?! she’s a double nerd!), sexy Tootsie Roll (3 licks, remember that) and how about your choice of sexy candy bars! Guess which one melts in your mouth but not in your hand.

Look at that, just like when I have too much sugar, I feel like throwing up.

Don’t spoil your appetite yet! Next, the most mismatched group of edibles you can imagine:

Don’t mind that our costumes miss the point, LOOK YOU CAN TOTES SEE OUR VADGE.

 

Sexy watermelon wasn’t sexy enough, they had to take a big bite out of the side. She spits… seeds.

Sexy cherry pie… moving on.

Sexy rum, fitting because I could use a drink, but who would wear sexy Heinz Yellow Mustard?! And where’s sexy Heinz Ketchup, or sexy Heinz 57 sauce, didn’t Heinz make sexy pickles before?

I’ve saved the best for last, and you can put your mind at ease about Yellow Mustard having the most pointless costume possible, because mustard is DELICIOUS on…

Sexy Burger & Sexy Hot Dog, or “Sesame Tits and Wanda Wieners”, as they’re known by their bestest bitches (also probably pictured in this blog post).

Fuckin’ A I kid you not – Sexy HAMBURGER and Sexy HOT DOG!!

I can’t choose which Halloween “costume” is more ridiculous between the two although Miss Sexy Hot Dog gets 5 extra points for apparently also being queen of the Pretzel People.